Nelson Mandela was in the news today, and it reminded me of a lesson I learned from him. After he was let out of prison, he told Bill Clinton that he wasn’t going to hold a grudge against his jailors. People watched in amazement. He was in there for 27 years! How could he forgive and let go of resentments?
He said, “I wanted to be free so I let it go, otherwise they would still have me.”
In the EAP counseling world, we would call this “re-framing.” It involves taking a thought or belief and turning it around to look at another way. When it comes to anger and resentment, learning how to re-frame your thinking is the best way to alleviate stress.
As a manager, you may have employees who are stuck in an angry place, or you might have lingering anger yourself. It’s worth it to try and get past it. Talking with an EAP counselor may be a good first step. Counseling might help in:
- identifying the feeling and the consequences
- talking through a conflict or resentment
- setting a goal for change
- learning way to re-frame that thinking
As a manager, if you notice an employee who appears to have an edge, it may be a symptom of smoldering anger, or it might be a sign of something else. If you feel uncomfortable about mentioning it, the EAP can help you think through your approach and give you an opportunity to practice what you want to say.
Is there an angry person in your group?
